sometimes i need someone different and new to talk to that’s not related to my bf in any kind of way ..that i can be relaxed with and not feel judged around? it’s hard finding someone like that when im not going to uni :( i’m so left out..
LOL major self pity going on tonight
need more friends :( i’m so lonely. Making friends with people that are younger then me only seem to make me look like try hard? at least that’s what i think people would think of me..LOL i have such low self esteem no one wants to be my friend anymore.
I was pretty disappointed with the trip to queensland didn’t have as much fun as i thought i would we had on and off days. I had so much fun at wet n wild world though it was a bit awkward at the beginning because of my bf and his sister having awkward tension between them..i hate those situations where i’m stuck in the middle..But after a while they both loosened up and started having fun. It was a good day overall the weather was the best throughout the whole trip and we ended the day with $150 of winnings from the casino.
The next day didn’t turn out so well…the night before was the only proper night i got to spend alone with my boyfriend throughout the whole trip and he was looking forward to some “alone time” but i ended up falling asleep cos i was so tired from the day before. I thought he would be more understanding at least but he started the day out angry at me and that pretty much ruined the whole day since he was angry at me for the rest of the day even though i was trying to be normal..he kept walking off on me and going in different directions when we were at seaworld..I really wanted to explode cos i was so frustrated he couldn’t even change his attitude when we were on a mini vacation it was only for THREE days and he couldn’t even do it. All because he didn’t get sex the night before..i know he was looking forward to it but he didn’t have to take it that far.
There were some good moments throughout the day though but it didnt exactly end on a good note when we got back to Melbourne.
I really don’t know what to do about his anger issues. It has got to the point where i don’t think i can help him myself since i’m the issue? how am i meant to change myself from being “annoying” when none of it is intentional.. you could at least figure out a different way to channel your anger rather then resorting to yelling at me and swearing at me..it’s not exactly a pleasant feeling.
so excited for queensland wish we were going for more than 3 days!
So many things to do such little time.
Also really want a new job but i want my annual leave.. hrmm too scared to ask for it again considering it isn’t a year yet but by the time it is a year the owners would have probably switched already.
why am i so weird..i hate myself sometimes :( i think i scare people off
Whenever i complain about money what You always ALWAYS refer to is how you use to treat me so well you use to spoil me so much ..and it’s not that i didn’t appreciate it..it’s just that well heck yeah you spoiled me like crazy! but then you say it now like…. hrm let me break it down..
you say “use to” and you put it in a tone where what i’m doing now is kind of like me paying you back for all the things that i thought you did out of love and compassion back then was all leading to me doing the same thing for you since i have the money now..
I hate the fact that you’re in the comfort zone where it’s like no more effort is put in to treating me the same as you use to but you can always refer back to it and make me feel like crap like i took it all for granted..and i should continue to feel gratitude for everything
lol this is all messed up..i don’t know what to do
In this day an age there are so many ways to get in contact with a person
Facebook,email,twitter, skype for gods sake you can even write me a letter.
You can’t say you can’t contact me just because i dont have a phone. Of course its most convenient but seeing as being on the internet is probably 80% of your life it wouldn’t hurt to post on my wall or send me an email or talk to me on skype.
Do you really not have 2 seconds of your time to see how your gf is instead of waiting for me to contact you first?
I’d be dead and you’d probably wait a week to ask me what i’m doing..then you’d probably just get annoyed at how i didn’t reply considering that you finally took time out of your life of gaming and friends to ask me what i’m doing..
One day i’ll go overseas and disappear from you for a month or two..
but knowing you..you’d probably take it as me breaking up with you and fall head over heels with the next girl you get close to.
I hate being that friend that my friends are embarrassed to tell their parents about..so far my education since high school hasn’t been so great and when parents hear that most parents like their children to steer away from people like me since to them i’d most likely “influence” their children to also fail in life..which makes me a failure in life…and i don’t blame them if they don’t want to tell their parents about me..but i can’t say it doesn’t hurt.
mm so emotional tonight.
I’m always wanting to do things ..i talk about it all the time but when it comes down to it i hesitate and lose confidence..it’s like when the opportunity arrives i start to think of all the negative things that could happen..
I need to just take a leap of faith and hope things work out for the better. I need to start having more confidence in myself.
